2005-07-20 - 12:27 p.m.
At what point in a relationship do you put aside the pleasantries, the structured rules, the supposed-to and have-to stuff? When in a relationship is it okay to invite yourself over? After how long can you assume that something happening a certain way will always happen that way? How do you swallow all that?
I don't know what I'm supposed to do? It seems like when I say what I want or when I want to see him I always feel pushy. And I feel pushy enough in the realtionship. I feel like I'm the one that say when and where and what were doing all the time. So I just don't think it's too much to ask for a "You're coming down to visit tomorrow, right?" instead of me being embarrassed by saying "You still want us to come tomorrow, don't you?" ... how stupid do I have to feel. And it's like we're both playing the waiting game on the phone... both hoping that by our goodbyes that the other will mention it.
Maybe if he lived alone it wouldn't be such a problem for me. Maybe if he lived with me I wouldn't have to worry about all this...
But that is it's own worry all by itself.
